Friday, August 09, 2013

Pearls of Wit and Wisdom from Our Nation's Future

The other day I was digging through some old files and I stumbled across some old anonymous journal excerpts from my Dad's college students. They're freshmen, and one of their assignments is to maintain a journal about their first year in college. Some of the things they write are hilarious, insightful, sometimes heartbreaking, cringe-inducing, and utterly (and perhaps unfortunately) relatable. I picked a few gems to share below. Enjoy!

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"I went tanning today and burned the shit out of my skin. Gotta love it. Go skin cancer!"

"I think my roommate hates me. Almost everyone hates me. At least my boyfriend kind of likes me at times."

"God, I feel so fat. Damn the fucking freshman 15. What is that shit all about? I still need to lose about 10 pounds. I want to be either a 7 or a 9. I haven't been that since the 7th grade."

"The Brewers are in the playoffs. Yay! I had a good/terrible weekend. I dumped Dustin early Sat. morning. I have never cried so hard in my life."

"To his credit, he was completely hammered."

"Maybe it's me, but I can't stand it sometimes."

"To make a long story short, we started kissing, kissing turned to touching, and touching turned to penetration. I regret that night, but regrets are just reminders of our mistakes. I don't think anything like that will ever happen again. I was a thief. She was a virgin."

"I really want to be either an author, interior designer, coach, wedding planner, or a photographer, it's hard to tell."

"I'm starting to realize that a lot of college girls are quite slutty. Not that I'm complaining, but yes, even I get sick of the one night stands. I really hope I can find just one decent girl on campus."

"Can someone tell me why I attract the ugly girls. I was at this party this weekend and I was talking to this group of girls, most of them very good looking, when a girl comes up and starts grabbing my nuts. I don't know her at all. I was scared and she wasn't good looking at all."

"I sit there, literally sit there with my thumb up my ass."

"Today is Nate and I's one year and nine month anniversary."

"I called my teacher for alcohol class. Wow, does he seem like an asshole! What do you expect, though, he's there to punish us for what we've done and 'educate' us about our 'problem.' How about this: I don't have a 'problem.' I drink for fun!"

"I have a 5-7 page research paper coming up. I'm doing it on Charles Manson and his awesomely fucked-up life. Hope it goes well."

"I had breakfast for the second time since I've been here. Then I had gay as fuck Biology."

"I have no idea who I am even. Oh yeah, I got my belly pierced today!"

"Studying seems to pay off."

"Mom picked me up and on the way to Clarks she told me she might have lung cancer...She's not trying hard enough to quit smoking....Anyway Halloween was good. I was a cereal killer."

"So I met this girl the other day. She's alright, nothing really spectacular, kind of just someone to fuck around with until something better comes along."

"I was just thinking today about one way that I changed since I've been in college. I don't hate gay people anymore. Most women like gay guys so they can hook you up fairly easily."

"As of right now I have a boyfriend. I HATE that word & I hate the fact that I do have one. It seems once I get what I want, I want something else. I just like the chase, I think. I just don't know what to do about all of this."

"College would be much better if an education wasn't involved."

"This is going to be my first weekend not drinking since I've been here, and I'm more excited for the weekend than I've ever been."

"Journal assignment: What am I passionate about? I am passionate about sex. I have had sex with 33 girls now and I just love it."

"I feel like I have to be the mom in this situation. My own mother is being childish and ridiculous. She is only thinking about herself. Why would she find someone else to bring into this fucked up family? Part of me wants to warn the guy and run a million miles the opposite way of my mom. I don't even know this guy and I'm trying to protect him."

"Today I just felt like getting in a fight with my boyfriend Justin, so I did."

"My roommate found her phone. THANK GOD!!!!!"

"It's amazing how much we don't know."

2 comments:

  1. It's like I'm nineteen all over again reading these. Priceless.

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  2. "To his credit, he was completely hammered."

    I'd like to have a dollar for every story I have started off like that, and sadly, not just in college.

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